This Digital Life

I have had a few chuckles this morning as I am reminded yet again, just how closely digital life can mirror 'real life.'  It has to after all, because we are all human beings. Behind each avatar, puppet, pixel person--whatever you want to call it--is a thinking, feeling, breathing human being. We are who we are whether we're online or offline. Eventually that bleeds through and those individuals capable of being authentically themselves find their personas integrated.

I'm one who prides myself on being me. That's all I can be is me. I am me online, just as I am me offline. Folks who have met me in person, after having first met me online, are rarely if ever surprised because my personality, humor, conversation and mannerisms are consistent, no matter which method of communication I employ. Those whom I like, respect, and call friend are the same. We are simply who we are.

Not everyone comes online to be themselves, however. Many come online to escape, to immerse themselves in role play, to explore hidden or repressed sides of themselves. I make it a point of accepting how people present themselves online 'at face value'. I am not for a moment suggesting that someone heavily into RP or escapism is somehow less an authentic individual. We all have things we sort out for ourselves and we all have different ways of doing it. If someone tells me they are male, or female, or 20, or 60, or an Orc, or a Lycan...fine. This is how they present themselves and I accept that. I have no reason not to. We are all entitled to explore ourselves and to expect a reasonable amount of acceptance and support as we do so.

Maybe I'm unique in this casual acceptance, I don't know. I do find myself mildly surprised when drama surfaces because:

 OMG! Did you know that so-and-so is really an 84 year old cross dressing circus midget from Russia and not the long legged 20 something blonde cutie they portray themselves to be in world?  I FEEL SO BETRAYED BECAUSE NOW MY LITTLE PERSONAL FANTASY BUBBLE HAS BEEN SHATTERED!!!

rinse..lather...repeat.

Seriously? Is there an unwritten rule somewhere that says before we log into Second Life we must all agree to act and react as if we're 13 years old with all the naievity and insecurity we displayed on the playgrounds of junior high school?

If I'm that taken in and allow myself to be that personally aggrieved and injured by someone else's roleplay, fantasy or exploration, what does that say about me? Is my sense of self, my value and self worth only measured by the artificial metric of how someone ELSE presents themselves to me? If so I need therapy and possibly a padded cell.

I have a dear friend who in-world is a tiny ferret. Do I think he's a ferret in the real world? No! I have another friend that is a knock-out female avi with legs up to her ears and a swagger that makes grown men cry. HE is your average work-a-day type guy who also really wants to understand, from a female perspective, how it feels to struggle under the assumptions and projects turned upon us by men. He's learned a lot about this, and is writing a paper on it. It has changed his own perspective on life and relationships. I have a casual friend who is a highly paid dominatrix in the real world. She uses Second Life as a test bed for role play scenarios, refining her timing, her dialog, her intensity of a scene before she rolls it out onto one of her paying clients. She doesn't escort or dominate for fee in world, but has received various threats to 'out her' when someone finds out that she does this for a living and feel they've been deceived by a 'pro'. I have friends in various stages of gender transition in world and out and the digital world plays a crucial part of their psychology as they explore more the who and why of themselves. I also know a half dozen men and women in various stages of long term, short term, or even the absence of a real life relationship. Does it surprise me when I hear someone confess their significant other doesn't know (or in some cases care) just what all they get up to in world? No of course not. Human nature being what it is--if we can get away with something, we're gonna try. WE ALL DO THAT to some degree. It's not for us to tell someone else where to draw their own line.

In all cases, none of the situations above reflect upon ME. As I learned the 'truth' about the person behind the avatar and how they conduct themselves in-world vs. out-world, I have the choice to accept their decisions for themselves and base my opinion of them on how they conduct themselves with me--is it with decency and reasonable honesty or are they being highly manipulative and bullying?

Paranoia, greed, predators and prey...they all exist in world, just as they exist out 'here' in the real world. The only thing over which we have any control is our actions and our reactions. Our naievity and insecurities are our own problem and responsibility. That is the part of ourselves which we should be examining in world and out. Learn to accept what is presented at face-value is giving a fellow human being room to explore and benefit of the doubt. And if that face-value is a shade or two off from reality, that is not a bold-faced lie simply because it makes you have to shift your perception.

Don't throw stones when you live in your own glass house. Own your own shit and move on. You don't need to own theirs. It's also not your job to ram it down their throats to make yourself feel better.

Just sayin.