From the mouth of babes...

Friday night was the night to be a pseudo parent and cheerleader. I attended a play at a local middle school here in Berkeley. The play was unique for a 7th-8th grade group. For one the students spent months collaborating with their director to write the play; to shape and mold the characters, to refine the scenes and to piece it all together. They were involved with every single aspect of the creative process: the production process--stage work, set design, even the lighting schema. They had to audition for their parts. In many cases they didn't get the part they wanted, the part they'd written (no doubt with themselves in mind for that role). They had to decide to continue being involved in a smaller role, or to invest their energy into a different character, inhabit it and make it theirs, and to lift up the ensemble as a whole, not just shine a spotlight on themselves.

The premise of the play is the daily struggle of kids their age in school. The struggle to fit in, to remain an individual because of culture or belief, but still wishing they could be more in the stream of things. The dinner/dance club committee is in a whirl of conflicting priorities. The popular set more interested in posting an embarrassing picture or photo of a classmate on Facebook or YouTube, than on preparing for the event. A student is seen pawing through lockers and pocketing cell phones. Another girl sits quietly apart from everyone, looking on longingly, separated by her shyness and her Hijab.  And then there is the 'missing money', the $2000.00 they raised from the students to pay for the dinner dance that some how never made it to the sponsor teacher's desk drawer...like it was supposed to. Only the committee president knows of this and accuses another committee member--the boy who swipes cell phones from student lockers--for the theft. He swears he didn't do it.

For nearly two hours, with no intermission, I watched these kids work through incredible tension, accusation, learning, and resolution of their own problems. I was amazed how they inhabited 3-dimensional characters and made them real, made them believable, made them sympathetic to the audience. I was proud at how they resolved the conflict--finding their own solution--no helicopter parent--no Mr. Holland to ride in on a charging steed and white-wash the situation for them. I think far too often our urge to protect our children from the harsh bumps and realities of this modern life--which many of us fear--leaves them ill prepared for their own decision making and conflict resolution.

Flip this into the digital world and it reminds me of a situation that had me spitting nails two weeks ago. I was locked out of Second Life calendaring tool for a few days because I made a post for a moderated/mature (non-ADULT rated sim) that used a bad word. This boggled my mind. All I'm advertising is musicians and music. How bad can that be? It's not like I'm booking Lenny Bruce here, or Sam Kinison. As it turns out...I was caught in the unpublished net of changes that Linden Labs instituted when they abolished the teen grind and moved those 16 and older into the main grid.  They put together a 'dirty word list'. What word did they catch? Let's see if you can catch it from this promo copy:

Bluemonk is a seasoned performer who cut his teeth on blues, country and jazz. He sings, plays piano and the gorgeous Hammond organ. In addition to incredible original music he covers such diverse artists as Carl Perkins, Joe Jackson, and John Lee Hooker.  His versatility is unparalleled and yet he remains faithful to his blues roots. We are very pleased to welcome Bluemonk to the Workshop. Come experience this gifted artist for yourself!

That's right. Blues legend John Lee Hooker. Hooker is apparently a very bad word for teens and there is no need for context to legitimize this word.  It took a few hours to peel myself off the ceiling and lower my blood pressure on this one. I shot off a nasty gram trouble ticket which LL has failed to address. I told them that my first-hand experience in mentoring teens and younger kids on line has proven time and again that banned word  lists protect no one; that an utter lack of context for when the word is used is ludicrous. I'd be happy to provide them with a workable, cost effective, plan to install reasonable safe guards for those over age 13 to help them instead of having them fumble finger around with this like internet virgins. (I'm sure they appreciated that... I just love hearing 'I don't want to tell you how to do your job...but let me TELL you how to do your job...')

 I had to strip JLH out of the copy.  There was nothing else I could do. If it wasn't a personal name, I probably could have dug into my not-so-shabby-vocabulary and used very flowing and descriptive phrases far more pointed than a simple word could be. I did this once for copy for EvaMoon Ember's notice when LL objected to my use of the word "vibrator."  Vibrator is a fairly innocuous word. Certainly less noticeable or remarkable than my substitution:  "If you've ever lost your heart to a chocolate bar, lusted after the UPS guy, or traded a man for a battery-operated-boyfriend, she has a song for you. "

HA! Take that SL.

Seriously. Do you know a 14, 16, or even 18 year old who has never heard or uttered the words hooker or vibrator? Seriously? What do you really think they're trying to protect here? Net Savvy, hip to sex and popular culture teens, or their own repressed and shame-faced professional reputations? This is just salt in the wound. More attempts to helicopter parent teens who deserve a far greater benefit of the doubt and more respect for their emerging selves than we or Linden Labs gives to them.

Just sayin'

This Digital Life

I have had a few chuckles this morning as I am reminded yet again, just how closely digital life can mirror 'real life.'  It has to after all, because we are all human beings. Behind each avatar, puppet, pixel person--whatever you want to call it--is a thinking, feeling, breathing human being. We are who we are whether we're online or offline. Eventually that bleeds through and those individuals capable of being authentically themselves find their personas integrated.

I'm one who prides myself on being me. That's all I can be is me. I am me online, just as I am me offline. Folks who have met me in person, after having first met me online, are rarely if ever surprised because my personality, humor, conversation and mannerisms are consistent, no matter which method of communication I employ. Those whom I like, respect, and call friend are the same. We are simply who we are.

Not everyone comes online to be themselves, however. Many come online to escape, to immerse themselves in role play, to explore hidden or repressed sides of themselves. I make it a point of accepting how people present themselves online 'at face value'. I am not for a moment suggesting that someone heavily into RP or escapism is somehow less an authentic individual. We all have things we sort out for ourselves and we all have different ways of doing it. If someone tells me they are male, or female, or 20, or 60, or an Orc, or a Lycan...fine. This is how they present themselves and I accept that. I have no reason not to. We are all entitled to explore ourselves and to expect a reasonable amount of acceptance and support as we do so.

Maybe I'm unique in this casual acceptance, I don't know. I do find myself mildly surprised when drama surfaces because:

 OMG! Did you know that so-and-so is really an 84 year old cross dressing circus midget from Russia and not the long legged 20 something blonde cutie they portray themselves to be in world?  I FEEL SO BETRAYED BECAUSE NOW MY LITTLE PERSONAL FANTASY BUBBLE HAS BEEN SHATTERED!!!

rinse..lather...repeat.

Seriously? Is there an unwritten rule somewhere that says before we log into Second Life we must all agree to act and react as if we're 13 years old with all the naievity and insecurity we displayed on the playgrounds of junior high school?

If I'm that taken in and allow myself to be that personally aggrieved and injured by someone else's roleplay, fantasy or exploration, what does that say about me? Is my sense of self, my value and self worth only measured by the artificial metric of how someone ELSE presents themselves to me? If so I need therapy and possibly a padded cell.

I have a dear friend who in-world is a tiny ferret. Do I think he's a ferret in the real world? No! I have another friend that is a knock-out female avi with legs up to her ears and a swagger that makes grown men cry. HE is your average work-a-day type guy who also really wants to understand, from a female perspective, how it feels to struggle under the assumptions and projects turned upon us by men. He's learned a lot about this, and is writing a paper on it. It has changed his own perspective on life and relationships. I have a casual friend who is a highly paid dominatrix in the real world. She uses Second Life as a test bed for role play scenarios, refining her timing, her dialog, her intensity of a scene before she rolls it out onto one of her paying clients. She doesn't escort or dominate for fee in world, but has received various threats to 'out her' when someone finds out that she does this for a living and feel they've been deceived by a 'pro'. I have friends in various stages of gender transition in world and out and the digital world plays a crucial part of their psychology as they explore more the who and why of themselves. I also know a half dozen men and women in various stages of long term, short term, or even the absence of a real life relationship. Does it surprise me when I hear someone confess their significant other doesn't know (or in some cases care) just what all they get up to in world? No of course not. Human nature being what it is--if we can get away with something, we're gonna try. WE ALL DO THAT to some degree. It's not for us to tell someone else where to draw their own line.

In all cases, none of the situations above reflect upon ME. As I learned the 'truth' about the person behind the avatar and how they conduct themselves in-world vs. out-world, I have the choice to accept their decisions for themselves and base my opinion of them on how they conduct themselves with me--is it with decency and reasonable honesty or are they being highly manipulative and bullying?

Paranoia, greed, predators and prey...they all exist in world, just as they exist out 'here' in the real world. The only thing over which we have any control is our actions and our reactions. Our naievity and insecurities are our own problem and responsibility. That is the part of ourselves which we should be examining in world and out. Learn to accept what is presented at face-value is giving a fellow human being room to explore and benefit of the doubt. And if that face-value is a shade or two off from reality, that is not a bold-faced lie simply because it makes you have to shift your perception.

Don't throw stones when you live in your own glass house. Own your own shit and move on. You don't need to own theirs. It's also not your job to ram it down their throats to make yourself feel better.

Just sayin.

Living out loud and online

For 22 years I have lived online. For 22 years I have been blessed with friendships near and far. I have met people that I would otherwise have never known. I've been fortunate to meet several of them off-line as well as online. I think this global network of friends is one of the richest rewards of living life 'out-loud' and online.  I'm irrationally proud of the fact that if you throw a dart at the world map I'm hard pressed not to know someone there...or within a border or two.

This blessing is a double-edged sword. The world becomes so much smaller, so much more intimate. Events large and small may happen a half-world away, but it impacts me because it impacts people I know. Even if my relationship with them is 'strictly digital' it is still a genuine friendship with someone I talk to each and every day. 

This morning JordanReyne Deezul played in the Lodge. Her standing gig @ 11am on Tuesdays is one of the highlights of my week. Jordan is originally from New Zealand. Her family and friends are safe and accounted for. Her manager, Jamie, is less fortunate. He's still trying to account for friends and coworkers. Those two friends of mine, and several more folks I know, are struggling to cope with good news, bad news, and absence of news. It breaks my heart. So far those  I know are safe and accounted for. I count myself lucky, and hold myself open for support and soft words as those I know struggle to comprehend and keep moving. 

This digital life. It is rich and rewarding. It is a blessing and a curse. And I cannot imagine my life any other way.

As Sure as I'm Sittin' Here.

So this virtual world thingy... how odd, how interesting, how maddening, how frustrating, and how rewarding! It is all of those things and sometimes all at once. My learning curve has been slow (in my opinion) but I've been here just over a year. In that time I've learned so much, met so many interesting and creative folks, stalked weird, endless worlds, and roamed the imagination of global inspiration.

From early 1995 until nearly 2003 I worked in online community focused on event production. I loved it, except it was so time consuming because I was producing hundreds of events for other people--for clients, in which ever host community I worked for: AOL, eWorld, or Liveworld.  I've been away from that for a number of years now and I miss the thrill of a live event. The sentimental reason I bought the Bluffs wasn't just because it was my first 'home' in world, but because I had an opportunity to return to event production, only this time on a small scale and simply for myself.

Texas Guinan was one of those 'characters' from the wild days of Prohibition. Born in Waco, TX she ran the 300 Club in Manhattan. It was a tiny place, crammed with 40 scantily clad dancers, bootleg liquor and the creme de la creme of New York: entertainers, politicians and society mavens. She was raided several times by the police for illegal alcohol and 'entertainment'. So far as I recall, none of those charges every really stuck. But then Diamond Jim Walker, then Mayor of New York City, was one of her regulars.  She was famous as a host for her sass, her wit, her personality.  Her oft uttered phrase to new arrivals was "Hello, suckers!"  And she referred to her most wealthy clientele as her 'egg and butter men'.

Here then, in a digital way, is my chance to play at being Texas Guinan. The Lodge is hardly a speakeasy, but if you are going to be a 'venue', a destination on the grid in Second Life, then you need two things: you need "POUTA" Personality out the ASS, and you sure as hell had better deliver compelling entertainment. I have the first part -- in spades. And now, with the help of a few booking agents and three cool looking venue spaces, I have the second part. I'm already seeing impact. In seven months we've ramped-up the frequency of events and traffic through the venues. I'm noticing a big increase in walk through traffic during non-event hours as well--which is exactly as I hoped.

The ride so far has been more terrifying, more exciting, and more fun than I could have imagined. I have met some incredible people and I continue to meet even more incredible people each day. Help has come out of nowhere and from unexpected places as has genuine friendship. I do my best to walk through all worlds respectful of those around me and of myself. Maybe that shows, I don't know.

Hello Suckers!


And thank you.

Nothing is ever "Same as it ever was" except...

This past week has been a struggle of the mind, the soul, the body. I've felt battered and bruised by events at home, abroad. So much change and upheaval in the world just now. So much pain, anger, injustice, incomprehensible things we seem to do to one another in the struggle for power and influence.

And Hope. So very much Hope. In the center of all this chaos glows a powerful heart of hope that cannot and will not be extinguished by the narrow minded, by the manipulators, by the misguided. It is this heart of hope which I believe is the saving grace of humanity. Listen to the talking heads of the media and it's easy to lose perspective and forget to look for or feel that hope.

Change and transition are powerful motivators, life-changing events. How we meet the challenges presented by change, by transition, is what tells the rest of the world who we truly are on the inside. Surrounded by the turmoil it's easy to be caught up and swept away on a tide of change, unsure of direction. This applies to transitions big and small; from revolution in Egypt, to the loud public fracturing of a neighbor's relationship here in Berkeley, to the quiet internal exploration of new joy inside of myself.

Hope is where the heart resides. Hope is what sees us through the mess. Hope is what draws us to those we love and those who love us. While all else changes around us, Hope is a constant port in the storm; our safe harbor, our home. As I get older I value Hope and her sister, Optimism, more and more.